


all i want

by winkowoo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heartache, M/M, Post-Break Up, haechan doesn't know what he wants, mark and hyuck are twins, mark starts acting weird but that's for another story, neither does jeno, oof, teamjeno, this is so sad, tragic honestly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-22 12:48:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16598198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winkowoo/pseuds/winkowoo
Summary: "i lay in tears in bed all night, alone, without you by my side"ORnohyuck were dating on twitter and jeno is scared and haechan is strong and independent and doesn't need no man, he thinks.





	1. The Break Up

**Author's Note:**

> this is so unedited i'm sorry y'all have to go through reading this mess lmao also thank you to my homie violet for requesting this she really elevated my mindset. also the title and disc are from the song "all i want" by kodaline yeehaw.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeno has something to tell haechan during their afternoon skype session

There was absolutely no wind on Haechan’s way home, to his surprise. The weatherman had predicted sunny skies and light winds. Despite this, both the sun and winds were absent. It seemed eerily still for August. 

He should have seen it coming.

Haechan arrived at his small house 6 minutes later than usual. He walked briskly to his room and set up Skype for his afternoon call with Jeno, his boyfriend of 2 years.

In 2015, Haechan was more active on twitter and he made plenty of friends easily. That’s where he met Jeno. They became friends rather quickly and started to date after just a few months. Although they had never met in person, they felt a strong connection and decided that they wanted to take the next steps in their relationship.

In the past week, Jeno had been off and was acting very distant. Each afternoon when Haechan arrived home at around 4:30pm, the pair would have a Skype call to catch up on the day and just hear each others voice. Jeno normally let Haechan do all the talking but still piped in to confirm or ask questions, but he had been completely silent in their most recent calls. With only short greetings to Haechan at the beginning and end.

When Haechan logged on to Skype he immediately sent a message to Jeno.

Fullsun: sorry! i just got home. can you still talk???  
Mrjeno: Call now.

“Hi! How was your day? Sorry I got in late!” Haechan said enthusiastically. Jeno looked sad but Haechan didn’t want to pry so he kept his comments inside.

“I’m...okay. I suppose. How are you?” Jeno said, keeping his head down.

“Well, then, I’m good too. Today was super weird though. It was meant to be windy but-” Haechan was cut off abruptly.

“Hyuck…” Jeno trailed off.

“Jeno? You never call me by my real name. What’s wrong?” Haechan said, evidently worried. He hadn’t heard Jeno say his given name since they first began talking. He knew something was up but he couldn’t quite tell what.

“Hyuck, I don’t want to do this anymore.” Jeno stated calmly.

Haechan blanked.

“What are you talking about? Do you have to get off Skype?” he asked, clearly oblivious.

“No, Hyuck I…” Jeno exhaled heavily. “I don’t want to do this anymore.” he said, gesturing between the two of them. “I don’t think we should keep this relationship going.”

“I don’t understand. Why are you saying this so suddenly? We’re doing fine…” Haechan said assertively.

“No, you’re doing fine. I can’t handle this! I can’t be in a relationship where I have to spend everyday waiting to hear from you! We don’t even know each other! We’ve never even met!” Jeno said, voice crescendoing with time.

“How can you say that? Why do we have to meet in person to be in a relationship?” Haechan asked.

“Why would anyone want to be in a relationship where they can’t physically be with their significant other? This is so suffocating! Wanting to be so close but it’s physically impossible! Does that even make sense?” Jeno said, basically yelling.

“Yes! It makes sense to me! It made sense to you for the past two years, I thought. I don’t want just a physical relationship Jeno, it doesn’t matter. I just want you.” Haechan said, fighting tears.

“Well maybe you’re the only one who wants that Donghyuck. Maybe I just don’t want you anymore!” Jeno snapped.

“You don’t mean that. Jeno, tell me you don’t mean this…” Haechan trailed. At this point, Haechan felt the tears fall freely. “Say it again, Jeno.” he said, as calmly as he could. “Tell me that again. I don’t believe you.” 

“Hyuck…” Jeno sighed. “I can’t do this anymore.” he finished.

“Stop it.” Haechan said.

“I’m sorry…” Jeno said, voice cracking. “I have to do this Hyuck. I’m sorry.”

“Stop talking to me like we’re over.” Haechan said.

“Hyuck, please don’t make this hard.” Jeno sighed.

“I’m not making this hard. You’re doing this for no reason. I know that you don’t want this to end so why are you ending it?” Haechan yelled.

“I don’t want to be with you anymore! How hard is it to understand? We aren’t together anymore as of now. Please stop.” Jeno returned, with just as much force.

“Fine.” Haechan said. He began feeling physical pain from the situation. “If that’s what you want that’s what you’ll get.”

“Hyuck...don’t…” Jeno said nervously.

“No, Jeno. You said this is it, so this is it. Don’t contact me again. Don’t even worry about trying to contact me because i’ll already have you blocked by the time you realize this is a mistake. I love you, goodbye.” Haechan said, clicking the red button before Jeno could say a word.

In less than 5 minutes, Jeno was blocked on all platforms. Immediately after, Haechan shut off his lights and cried softly until he drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope y'all at least semi-enjoyed this lmao i'm sorry that it sucks ANYWHO if you want to follow me on social media i basically live on twitter @lilchangsha so there's that.


	2. The Days After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haechan is having trouble coping with the break up. his mom has some good news for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda messy but haechan's life is messy so it works i suppose

Haechan slept through the entire weekend. On Monday morning he was awoken by the creaking of his door.

“Donghyuck, hurry up and get ready. I’m leaving now. Don’t follow me.” he heard from under the comforter. He assumed his lovely twin brother, Mark, was the owner of the voice. 

Mark normally just left after waking Haechan but today he didn’t hear the door slam after.

“Didn’t you say you were leaving? Why are you still at the door?” Haechan asked, practically yelling.

“What’s wrong? I can literally feel your sadness.” Mark responded.

“Nothing is wrong. Can you please just leave. Also, tell mom i’m not going to school today. I feel sick.” Haechan said, pulling the covers over his head.

“Whatever.” Mark said before exiting with his signature door slam.

-

 

By Thursday, Mark had given up on trying to get Haechan to go to school. Haechan was sleeping through most days and only left his room to get just enough food to sustain life. He did not plan on ending this cycle for a while.

-

“Hyuckie, what’s wrong?” Haechan heard a soft voice say. “It’s Saturday, no school today. You don’t have to get up but please talk to me.” the voice continued, Haechan recognized it as his mother. “You’ve been sleeping for a week now. I wanted to let you sort this out on your own but this is getting unhealthy.” she finished.

“I just…” Haechan sat up to talk. “I don’t know what to do with myself.” he said.

“What about that friend you always talk to? Is he helping you?” his mom asked, naively. 

“No, mom. I don’t want to talk about him. He’s...busy.” Haechan said, looking away.

“Well, whatever is going on with you, I didn’t really come in here to pry into your personal life. I have some news.” his mom said, sparking Haechan’s attention.

“News? What kind of news?” Haechan asked.

“Well, I think you’re going to like it.” she started. “I got that job i’ve been talking to you and Mark about. We’re moving!” she continued. “I think this is perfect timing with your current situation! A change of scenery is just what you need, Hyuckie!” she finished.

“Yeah, okay I guess. When are we leaving?” Haechan asked.

“I’m hoping to get there on Monday so you boys will have some time to adjust before going to school. I want you to start school by Thursday.” she stated.

“Okay, did you tell Mark?” Haechan responded.

“Yes, I told him yesterday morning.” she said. “I’d like you to go ahead and start packing today so we can leave tomorrow night. It’s a long drive.” she finished.

“Okay, sure.” Haechan responded, watching her walk out the door.

-

Upon arrival at the new house, Haechan immediately felt more at ease than before. Maybe his mom was right, he really needed new experiences. Of course, he still felt sad after things ended with Jeno, but this was definitely helping.

As the next days passed, Haechan began to feel even more comfortable in this new place, up until Wednesday, he had believed this new place would be good for him.

When Wednesday arrived, he began worrying about the upcoming school year. Would everyone isolate him again? Would he actually be able to make friends?

Every year since junior high, Haechan had been constantly overshadowed by Mark’s achievements. When Haechan came home with an 80 on a test, of which he was proud, Mark always came with a 100. Haechan had not heard the word “congratulations” directed at him in years. Due to this, it became increasingly difficult for Haechan to make friends. The only friend he ever had ended up leaving him in the dust to befriend Mark, as usual. He decided promptly that people and school were a waste of time and he would make no efforts with either.

Of course, just so his mom wouldn’t worry, he would continue to attend but he made it his mission to go completely unnoticed through the rest of his senior year.

What’s the worst that could happen?


	3. The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haechan starts at his new school and runs into...someone

Haechan woke Thursday morning being hit with a shirt.

“Wake up Haechan! Your alarm is loud!” he heard. Who on Earth was calling him Haechan in his own home. After a few seconds, he processed the voice as Mark. When did he start calling him Haechan?

“I can hear it, you idiot! I’m just taking extra time to sleep!” Haechan responded, sitting up. He looked Mark up and down. “Why aren’t you ready for school? Don’t you plan on leaving early since it’s our first day?” Haechan asked.

“What? Our first day?” Mark replied, as if he didn’t even know they had moved.

Haechan scoffed. “Why are you acting shocked? Did you not realize we’re in a completely new town in the middle of the school year?” he gestured around the room. “We’ve already been in this stupid place for 3 days you shouldn’t be confused.” He finished. Haechan decided he’d better start dressing despite this strange situation and began making his way to the closet.

“Oh, right. What time does school start?” Mark asked. 

Haechan figured, at this point, his brother had contracted some sort of amnesia.

“9:45. It’s already 8 you should probably get ready and go.” Haechan answered, pulling out a blue shirt and black joggers. He didn’t want to draw any more attention to himself so he tried to choose the most standard outfit he could.

“Aren’t we going together?” Mark questioned. 

Haechan stopped in the middle of dressing. “You actually want to go with me?” he turned to his brother, confusion evident.

“Uh, yeah. Why wouldn’t I?” Mark asked. 

“We haven’t walked to school together since like junior high,” Haechan began, “Something about ‘Mom, Donghyuck is an idiot I can’t be seen with him’ or whatever.” He rolled his eyes and continued getting dressed 

“Who’s Donghyuck?” Mark whispered, Haechan was just flabbergasted at this point. 

“Just because the people at school called me Haechan doesn’t mean you have to act like you don’t know my name, Mark.” Haechan said as he finished getting dressed. How on Earth could his own brother forget his name?

“Well, I’m older now and I’m not ashamed of my own brother!” Mark said firmly. “I’m getting dressed and we’re going together!” he finished before exiting.  
What a strange morning.

-

Upon arriving at the school, Haechan and Mark picked up their schedules and Haechan set off to his first class of the day. 

-

About halfway through the school day, Haechan had successfully grabbed a seat directly next to the door in nearly all of his classes and managed to avoid small talk with any of his peers. Success.

When lunch rolled around, he and Mark found each other and grabbed lunches from whatever line was the shortest. The cafeteria seemed impossibly full and Haechan felt like the entire school was watching him. 

“Hey, is it okay if we sit with my new friends over there?” Mark nudged him.

Haechan looked over and saw a brunette boy waving wildly along with two other boys next to him, heads turned away. He shrugged lightly and they started towards the boys. When Haechan realized who was sitting at this table it was far too late for him to turn back.

“Hi! I’ve already met Jaemin in class but I haven’t met you yet.” Mark said, speaking to the one person Haechan wished he’d never see again. “I’m Mark, and this is my twin brother-” Mark was cut off by the aforementioned person..

“Haechan…” the boy said, breathily.

“Jeno.” Haechan responded.

How did he miss it? Had he really never once asked Jeno what school he attended? How could Haechan have gotten this far into the day without seeing him? What is happening?

“Wait a second. Is this Haechan? Like, your Haechan, Jeno?” The second boy asked. Haechan assumed this was Jaemin, from Mark’s previous statement.

“I’m not anyone’s Haechan.” Haechan answered for Jeno. He was struggling to hold in his tears.

Haechan spent the rest of the lunch period looking down at his food, he only ended up having a few bites. He had built up the moment he met Jeno in his head for years and he never thought he would be this sad. It baffled him that the person who made him so happy for so long could now be the cause of his misery. As soon as the bell rang to end the lunch break, Haechan practically sprinted from the table. He heard footsteps close behind him in the hall.

“Haechan, wait.” he heard Jeno say.

Haechan turned around as fast as possible. “What?” he said firmly. 

“Can we please talk? I’ve been trying to talk to you for a week.” Jeno pleaded.

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” Haechan responded.

“I messed up, I really messed up this time.” Jeno said softly.

“So, you just now realized you made a mistake? The second you see me in real life suddenly you want to put effort into our relationship?” Haechan said, he felt a tear fall from his eyes and quickly wiped it away.

“No. I realized it as soon as you hung up…” Jeno started. “Please, just let me have another shot.” He finished, inching closer to Haechan.

“Do I look that easy to you, Jeno? You said this was over! You said you didn’t want me anymore! I’m respecting your decision.” Haechan said, more tears slowly escaping.

Jeno got impossibly close and wiped a tear from Haechan’s face. “Please, I know this is hard for you. It’s hard for me too. We can’t be without each other, Hyuck.” Jeno said, leaning closer.

Haechan quickly scooted back. “Are you actually kidding me right now? You honestly think i’m just going to let you back in when you shattered all of my emotions? I don’t need you, Jeno. I’m doing perfectly fine without you.” he said. “We can be friends, sure, but i’m not going any further than that with you. You’re toxic.” he finished.

Before Jeno could convince him otherwise, Haechan sprinted to his next class, hoping the students in this one wouldn’t notice his soft crying.


	4. The New Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haechan makes a new friend, jeno is less than excited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! I honestly wasn't expecting anyone to read this but now that I see people have been bookmarking and leaving kudos ((thank you so much btw)) i'm gonna try and update fairly often! i hope y'all enjoy this chapter! let me know if i made any spelling/grammatical errors! yeehaw!

As the bell rang to end a terrible first day, Haechan bolted out of his classroom and headed straight for the front of the school. He couldn’t possibly wait for this day to be completely over. On his way out he kept his eyes glued to the ground, trying to get out as fast as possible, not even stopping to wait for Mark. Of course, with Haechan’s luck, someone was standing just a few feet in front of the door. He rammed right into the boy’s back. 

“Oh, sorry! I didn’t realize someone was coming out!” the boy said, smiling. 

“It’s a door. What else would people be doing?” Haechan said, annoyed and trying to move around the boy.

“Are you new? I’ve never seen you around…” the boy asked, looking Haechan up and down.

Haechan couldn’t manage to get around the boy so he decided to just entertain him until Mark got there. “Do you know every single person in the school or something?” he responded.

“You must be new. I’m Lucas Wong.” Lucas stated, extending his hand for a shake.

“Good for you.” Haechan responded. He kept his hand tucked away and Lucas eventually retracted.

“This is normally the part when someone introduces themself…” Lucas said, raising his eyebrows.

“Well, good thing we took care of that when you introduced yourself.” Haechan said flatly.

“Haechan! Thanks for waiting! Sorry it took me so long, I was talking to Jaemin.” Haechan heard from behind him. Mark quickly made his way to Haechan and smiled. “Who’s this? Did you make a friend?” Mark asked.

“I’m Lucas.” Lucas introduced himself to Mark and they shook hands.

“Nice to meet you Lucas! I’m Mark, Haechan’s brother!” Mark said. Haechan tugged on his shirt and tilted his head in the direction of their house, signaling him that he wanted to leave. “We should probably get going, though.” Mark finished.

“Oh yeah, totally! See you later, Haechan.” Lucas smiled and waved, looking satisfied that he’d gotten Haechan’s name.

“I genuinely hope not…” Haechan trailed off as he started walking home.

-

Friday Morning was just about the same as the previous day. Haechan and Mark arrived to school just as the first bell rang, meaning they had about 5 minutes to get to class. Haechan’s class was fairly close to the front of the school so he made it there with 3 minutes to spare and sat down in the seat next to the door, just as he had yesterday. He popped in his earbuds and tried to drown out the gossip and useless conversations his peers held around him.

A few minutes into class, the teacher had assigned a worksheet for the students to finish before the end of class. Haechan began working immediately, hoping to finish with ample time to sleep before the passing period. Most of the students surrounding him were chatting and getting little to no work done, Haechan had no intention of joining.

When he was roughly halfway finished with the sheet, Haechan felt a small tap on his shoulder. He jerked up and looked to find the heathen that had interrupted his work. When he saw Lucas standing behind him he was...less than thrilled. Lucas motioned for him to remove his headphones and he obliged.

“Look who it is! I didn’t realize you were in this class!” Lucas said enthusiastically, sliding into the desk next to Haechan.

“I was hoping no one ever would.” Haechan mumbled, rolling his eyes and turning back to his paper. “What do you want?” he questioned.

“You’re quite snappy, Haechan. I kind of like it.” Lucas said, laughing.

“Did you come here to be creepy or do you actually have something of substance to say?” Haechan said, clearly annoyed.

“I actually came over to invite you to my place this weekend!” Lucas started. “I have this annual thing every year to end summer with a bang. It’s just a small gathering, nothing too fancy.” Lucas finished with a smile.

“A party? Hard pass.” Haechan responded.

“Oh, c’mon Haechan! It’s gonna be fun! It can help you get acquainted with some of the people around here, too!” Lucas said.

“I don’t know, i’m not really a social person. I don’t have any friends to hang out with I think it might end badly.” Haechan said..

“You can bring your brother! Plus, i’ll be there so you’ll have at least one friend! You can stick around me the whole time if you want, I don’t mind!” Lucas stated.

“I’m really not sure Lucas…” Haechan said, finally looking up at the boy next to him. Once he saw the look in Lucas’ eyes, he knew he’d be at that party. “Let me talk to Mark. If he says he wants to go then i’ll be there.” Haechan finished.

“Yes! I can’t wait to see you! Here, i’ll write my number down and you can just text me if you’re going to be there.” Lucas said, ripping a corner from his worksheet and scribbling numbers down before handing the slip to Haechan.

“Okay.” Haechan said, uninterested.

“What class are you going to next?” Lucas asked, slowly gathering his things.

Haechan looked up at the clock and realized class would be ending soon, looks like he has some homework tonight. He began gathering his things, too, before responding. “Anatomy.” Haechan responded quickly.

“Oh? I’m going to AP chem, we can walk together!” Lucas said, too happy for Haechan’s liking.

“Yeah, sure.” Haechan said.

“Okay! Let me grab my bag, don’t leave without me!” Lucas responded.

-

The walk to class was a lot more bearable than Haechan expected. Lucas spent almost the entire walk talking about his trip to Hong Kong the past summer and Haechan was honestly mildly interested in the topic. Lucas seemed to love talking about his hometown and Haechan found the passion cute, but he’d never admit that.

As it turned out, Lucas and Haechan had classes with each other or close by each other for most of the first half of the day and even had the same lunch. They walked to the cafeteria together and didn’t part ways until Haechan got to his table to sit with Mark. As soon as Lucas turned away Haechan was the center of attention at the table.

“Why were you walking with Lucas?” Jeno asked.

“We’re friends, I guess. Why does it matter to you?” Haechan responded curtly. 

“Haven’t you heard anything about him?” Jeno pressed.

“What do you mean? He seems nice to me.” Haechan said, shrugging.

“He’s a total player. I mean, come on! He’s captain of the soccer team which is already a red flag, and i’m pretty sure he dates a new girl every month. This is actually the first time i’ve seen him single since like 3rd grade.” Jeno said, starting to get red.

“Jeno he’s a cool guy! I don’t know what you have against him!” Jaemin interjected. “Don’t mind him Haechan, Jeno has some grudge against Lucas. None of us know what he’s on about.” Jaemin finished with a shrug.

“I don’t have a grudge against him. He’s not a good influence for you, Haechan!” Jeno said, getting angrier by the second.

“Oh, so you’re in control of my friendships now? Are you jealous, or something?” Haechan asked sarcastically. 

“I’m not jealous.” Jeno stated.

“Sorry to interrupt you guys but, Jeno, it really does seem like you’re jealous.” the waving boy from yesterday, who Haechan believes to be called Renjun, piped in.

“See, this guy gets it.” Haechan said, pointing to Renjun.

Jeno slammed his fist on the table, causing some heads to turn to him. “I said I’m not jealous.” Jeno practically yelled.

“Yeah, okay…” Haechan said, scoffing.

“Anyway,” Renjun began in an attempt to ease the tension. “Haechan, since you and Lucas are friends, are you going to his party tomorrow?” he asked.

“You guys are going to that? I told him I’d only go if Mark wanted to go too.” Haechan responded.

“Dude, everybody in the school is gonna be at that party. The only people who don’t get an invite are the ones who personally offend Lucas. It’d be embarrassing to not go.” Renjun stated. “Although, I’m shocked we’re still on the list with Mr. “I hate Lucas Wong” over here.” Renjun said, tilting his head towards Jeno.

“Well, I guess I should probably go then. What do you think, Mark?” Haechan turned to his brother, who simply nodded in response. Haechan pulled his phone out and dug around in his pocket until he found Lucas’ number. He punched in the digits and sent Lucas a message.

Haechan: hey lucas, its haechan. it looks like i’ll be at your party after all. please send the address.

Haechan slid his phone and set back to finishing his lunch, content with how everything had turned out. He’d never admit that, though.


End file.
